There was a sad Tory called Boris With the acuity of a slow loris He just hid in his bed, poured lies from his head and quoted from Homer and Horace. Notes: Slow: from Middle English/ Old English meaning Sluggish, Inert, Slothful, Late, Tardy, Torpid, Blunt, Dull, Faint, Weak, Slack Loris: from the Dutch, meaning … Continue reading The Slow Loris: a tale of a dilatory Tory.
what goes up..... I’m sick to death of clichés Whatever happened to coining a phrase for yourself, eh? I know it’s an uphill struggle but if you play your cards right, it must be doable. Now, we all know that a picture is worth a thousand words, so let me set the scene… I am … Continue reading I’m sick to death of clichés
Bulldog Boris Our Premier, who art in clover, Hollow be thy claims; Thy King Dom comes; Thy will be done in court, as it is inevitable: Give us this day our daily bluffs; And forgive us our stupidities, as we forgive them that voted for you; And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us … Continue reading The paternoster of tiny feats
Or welcome to my Hall of Shame I have often casually wondered about statues in an uninterested kind of way. Ever since I was a kid, I was subjected to a forest of the bloody things. There seemed to be one on almost every street corner in central London; the parks and public spaces were … Continue reading Someday my plinth will come…
It may not deserve one, but this country needs a real opposition, and it needs one now! Not polite and respectful but loud, angry and responsive to people’s demands. Given that the government has a large majority of moral-free members, prepared to vote through any old line that they are told to support, I would … Continue reading Keir Starmer: Labour’s Rising Lion or a Pink Panther with a blue rinse?
I lie, you lie, low. Brought to you by Dom and Dummer – as straight as a hairpin bend on the A67 - with support from The Cabinet of Curiosities A song for the easily-led, concocted in just one afternoon but no-one can remember the details of quite how it was done. I intended to … Continue reading Old Man Cummings had a farm…
or what the devil do we do next? I’ve been keeping an eye out for places to squirrel away my surplus funds now that I can’t get out to waste them on fripperies in the shops and eateries. I can’t even get myself offshore, let alone deposit any surplus cash there. Just joking! The chance … Continue reading A Profit in My Own Land
When my local floodgates opened First of all, where do all these bloody "Gates" come from? They are clearly not all offspring of Bill & Melinda, so what’s the deal? I was reading Caitlin Johnstone's recent blog on Obamagate https://caitlinjohnstone.com/2020/05/14/why-obamagate-will-never-lead-to-anything-of-significance/, which is well worth a read by the way, when her use of the word … Continue reading Floodgates, Watergates, Surrogates, and Castigates
Apologies to Bruce Springsteen and to Mary, Queen of Arkansas This line, the original being No, you're not too late to desecrate, the servants are just rising, has been one that has stuck with me for years. It and its variants, have sprung, unbidden, into my head at all sorts of times, including in an … Continue reading ♫ No, you’re not too late to isolate, the natives are just dying♫
An attempt to lift the spirits* * Warning: some readers may find this article upsetting as it sets out to use the language of the Corona Virus outbreak humorously in the context of drinking alcohol at home during lockdown. I think I picked up the virus fairly recently on one of my trips to Italy, … Continue reading Hurrah! – I’ve just tested positive for the Campari virus